Hummer H2
December 19th, 2009 | Published in Automotive
For the extroverts among you, the hottest costume for 2003 is the Hummer H2. I loved it in photos. Then I saw a real one in the, uh, well, “flesh” is not the right word. I saw it in the plastic.
Those cake-pan bump’s on the hood? Plastics, you can pop ‘em off with your fingers. Those black extender’s on the ends of the front bumpers? Tupperware tuff for those brutal commutes! Inside, the window sills are high. You look at the world through slits. For the first time ever, you see door-sealing rubber being used as a styling element. The message is “functional,” get it? Ten man-size socket heads make a big show of securing wispy plastic cladding to the dash. The shifter lever looks like something borrowed from a marine winch.
Well, why shouldn’t Power Rangers technology is scaled up for Big Boys? Hey, girls need costumes, too. A TV’ commercial shows a honey-haired sweetie cruising the shadowed, steam-plumed canyons of Manhattan accompanied by bouncy music. Then the punch line: “Threaten men, in a whole new way.” Probably you can tell the H2 is not my kind of costume. But for the Mrs. Grundy’s, it’s a rolling infarction. You got to love it.
